Rabu, 08 Mei 2013
It's been a few days past a week since I last posted something here. I'd really like to tell you a lot about what I'm doing, but then again I don't want to bore you. Ha. As if these posts aren't boring enough.
So anyway, with this post composed through the clicking sound of my keyboard and my overflowing thoughts, here's questioning why the hell men these days got so complicated over things they shouldn't?
I mean, seriously. Being complicated is women's best trait. We don't need men to come over and take it away from us. Men should be rational, logical, and all things women are not. But having stuck in some bizarre positioning at work with my fellow kick-ass girl friend Eirene, I found this fact annoying, but in all means, a true one.
Which leads me to the most important question: WHY?
But yeah, I don't expect the answers to come in sooner. Some things are better left unanswered anyway.
What I really want to say is it's been a busy, busy month despite the fact that it's not even ten days yet. A bestfriend is having his birthday soon, and I figured that one of the ways to know who your true friends are is by finding out who'd be going through hell to present you a personal birthday gift.
I may not seem the type, but yes: I'm one of those people who'd willing to go through hell if it means I can see a smile plastered on my friend's face upon receiving a gift I personally crafted for them. Not that I can craft anything, but for me, a birthday present should be two things: 1) it's made of something they like; or better yet, it's THAT something they like, and 2) it's made of your love and the friendship you've built for years.
To that very special friend, it's H-2 and I hope I can see a big smile plastered in your face when I hand out the gift to you.
...because it might be my last.
So before some of you concludes this as a suicidal last post, let me deny this and move forward to the most important part.
HERE'S PRAYING TO GOD THAT HE SHALL GRANT YOU WITH HEALTH, because really, without it you'd be dead shit by now. It's something you always take for granted, and when it goes, you go gaga. So yeah.
And here's praying that God would give me back my health. It's gone today and I need it back soon.
Sabtu, 20 April 2013
So what's been happening to me this past week?
Plenty. And Friday was the peak of all work. I had to be in 3 places all at once and I managed to do it somehow HAHAHA. But then again it was all fun. I like being busy, because it gives me some kind of life purpose. Yeah I know it's kind of pathetic but then again, it keeps my mind on the good things.
Working make me so tired that I get to sleep easier at night. TRUE STORY. Ha.
So today I woke up pretty late (got 9 hours of sleep; the longest I had this week) and everyone was already gone. I'm left at home with no money for food and last night's supper. *sigh*
I was browsing along and I found out that Arashi's Popcorn Tour DVD is leaked already.
Alright, before you all got confused, here's the thing: I've been rooting for this sappy pop Japanese boyband called Arashi. I figured that behind every girl's success at work and nice GPAs, there's always something she's been hiding and one of them is their odd liking towards weird things. Mine is Arashi. Another friend's SHINee, a Kpop group, and another friend's... baby food. Yeah, I know.
I think girls need to like at least one weird thing to keep them sane while doing their job. Well, Arashi has done pretty good to me. They dress like clowns dipped in trash cans sometimes, but they got my mind off of things and they always make me laugh. Their dorkiness are somehow comforting and it feels nice to know that they won't judge me for not working hard enough or having a job ruined because of my mistakes.
Well anyway, I've been liking Ninomiya Kazunari for almost a year now. He's one of those dorky guys known as Arashi. I first knew him last summer, and had fallen in love eversince. The main reason is because he's very much my type, and my type is basically an asshole so it's amusing to see a celebrity make an asshole out of himself. Like he's not afraid of being hated or anything. People know him because he's been a brat eversince he debuted and he doesn't mind about it.
In Arashi concerts, there's always a solo part for every one of them. Nino's first solo was Niji, and he played the piano on stage and it was 5 years ago. In this Popcorn concert tour, he's back with his piano singing a Niji continuation song, and I've been waiting for this solo for these past months because truth be told I don't really like him without the piano.
I was so glad I stay at home today because of these:
Alright, let me point some things out:
1) I love a guy who can play the piano,
2) and I love him better when he can sing as well because it means he has a great focus,
3) and Nino does them both.
so needless to say, I don't think I can fall out of love with this amazing, small-and-bratty Japanese guy.
I haven't got the leaks to the full concert yet, but having Nino's solo kept in my laptop already made my day.
And oh, I finally watched Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close today. I already read the book way before the movie came out, and I found it intriguing and thrilling at the same time. But the movie was a different experience. It was a heartbreaking experience, and I cried all the way throughout the movie. I think it's very good that the movie doesn't dwell too much on Oskar's grandma's past and focused on the relationship between Thomas and Oskar instead, because that way the point of the book is achieved.
The last time I cried that much was when I was reading John Green's The Fault in Our Stars, and I can honestly say that it was a good cry. I feel like I need to cry these past few days, and it relieved me that I could cry that much of tears today HAHA.
Well, alright. This post is heading to the Depression St. so I think I gotta end it here.
Talk to you soon, alright?
And remember: whatever happens, stay strong. Because things will get worse before they get better. ;)
Sabtu, 13 April 2013
Here I am, trying to keep up with the promise I made on my previous post. Funny how we actually feeling more responsible and committed to the promise we made with things instead of people. HAHA.
Alright. Have you read the title? I suppose you have.
Does that ring a bell to you? Well of course, especially for those who live under that impression all the time. To those who don't, well, congratulations. Being brave is one hell of a tough job.
We're all humans. And humans have these emotions, being afraid is one of them. Some people take it as a sign of weakness. Oh come on, remember when Piglet hesitated to come out and help Winnie when he was almost blown out by the wind? You probably think what a loser Piglet was, no?
Pardon my weird analogy, but I think you got my point.
To me, being afraid is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of being human. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with being human. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to pull a wise man shit on you readers. Sometimes I too, have a knack for people who are too afraid to try anything, especially when those people are the ones I call 'friends'.
I had an interesting conversation with one of my best friends sometime around this week. He's been my best friend for over 4 years now, and we're currently at the point where we can understand each other even without saying anything. Kinda like mind-reading, yes, but a lame one. :P
Alright, back to the story.
Over the course of 4 years that I've known him, I rarely seen him being scared. Not even when I told him ghost stories when he was alone. But that day, I could tell that he was genuinely afraid.
...of falling in love.
I secretly laughed when I read his message. He hated being a hopeless guy who waited around for a reply to his text. He hated being controlled by something he couldn't handle. And most of all, he was afraid that he won't be loved back the way he wanted to. After he finished with his rants, I told him,"Well, to make it easier for you, we all do. We're all afraid of not being loved back in return. We're all afraid of getting hurt, of getting our hopes too high, of getting trampled like trash. But in the end, if you really loved someone and you think they're worth every shit you're going through to get them, well... you should go after them."
I probably sounded like a drunk female version of Mario Teguh when I said that, but being someone who already went through everything for love, I could understand the fear. To tell you the truth, I haven't fully recovered from loving someone for years and not being loved back in return. At some point last year I didn't even think that I could manage to love anyone ever again, but hey, I did. I started to acknowledge the fact that he didn't love me, and I started to get close with other guys. And it turned out to be a wonderful, exciting experience. I almost can't believe I missed all the fun of hanging out with a bunch of guy friends.
And as of right now, as I start to fall for this new guy, I also start to embrace the fear. The fear of not being loved back, of being turned down, of getting my hopes too high.
...Because hey, what's love without a little fear anyway? The fear is supposed to be there to keep us sane, because we tend to lose our sanity once we're in love. So it really is a good thing. Fear should be a friend, but don't get too close. Make room for hope as well. :)
And now, on making decisions.
I think we all spend too much time and energy on trying to make wise decisions. The ones we won't regret later in the future because hey, remember that damn phrase people put as their life motto? "Don't look back and live with regrets."
And regrets mostly came from bad or wrong decisions.
Hmm, not entirely true.
We can make the right decisions and we could end up regretting them anyway. So what's the point on trying too much to make wise decisions?
Besides, how do we know that we made a wise decision anyway?
Is there a blinking sign that says,"CONGRATS, YOU JUST MADE A WISE DECISION YOU WON'T EVER REGRET!"? I suppose there isn't, and there won't be any sign for a wise decision. Upon making decisions, I think the one that we should really keep in mind is that this decision was made based on our best efforts in things we do. Besides, people can never learn from good decisions. They learned from the bad ones, the ones they shouldn't take in the future. So unless you're someone who thinks that they're smart enough not to learn anything, then don't make a wise decision. Make for what you think was the best and the rightest thing to do at the moment. Don't worry too much on how it will end up as long as
Lastly, believe in the good things. Believe that God, albeit invisible and sometimes don't come around as much as you want to, is up there watching you and making sure that you learn through your time on Earth. So have fun. Make mistakes. Regret and weep on them for a while, and get back on your feet again.
I spent my teenage years not believing anyone who said that things are going to be okay, and I'm going to be fine, and my life would get better as time goes by. Well now all I can say is BELIEVE THEM because eventually, things will. Life will. And you will.
Senin, 08 April 2013
The funny thing about blogging is after a while your blog feels kinda like a virtual home. But then you get a new job and lots of things to do and you probably end up renting an apartment near your workplace and you rarely visit your home anymore. But it's still there, waiting for you to come back. You've tried staying overnights but you never succeeded. And then after a while you miss it like hell and your feet (or in this case, fingers) brought you back here again and things are starting to comfort you like they've always been.
Alright, enough with the babbling analogy.
I feel old. Alright, what's new hahaha. But the thing is I've been blogging since I was in middle school and now I'm on my senior year of college and it feels like time flies so fast. I used to share a bit of my daily life here but then I stopped and I feel like I'm abandoning a childhood friend. Well, if I ever finished this post I hope I'd update more and more because truthfully, I miss writing. This probably sound stupid because I spend my days writing assignment papers but then again nothing cures me like writing. It's the cheapest therapy I could ever get. I was a lot more normal and sane back in the days when I still write hahaha.
Life's been well. I started the 6th semester feeling content because unlike most of my friends I only took up 15 credits because I've already spent 5 semesters taking full credits, and I thought,'WOW I CAN FINALLY/ACTUALLY SLOW DOWN A LITTLE THIS SEMESTER. I'm gonna go take some Japanese course or cooking lessons.' BUT BOOM. Life betrayed you like no other. I somehow got caught up in extracurricular activities in my campus, NOT TO MENTION a NGO I joined a few years ago outside of campus. AND MY TRIP TO AUSTRALIA! oh wow this has turned into an incredibly messy post now hasn't it? :))
So many things to tell, and yet so little time to write. Pfft.
I can honestly say I'm in the middle of that phase where I'd just flip off a table just because I'm fed up with the amount of work I have to do, but then again I know I'd look back in these days and tell my future kids that these are my golden days. I know I will. :)
And regarding my trip to Melbourne, Australia for WorldMUN 2013, I don't think I could ever manage to be a full-time traveler. I get attached too easily. I only stayed for a week there but it took me 2 weeks to recover. The first night I spent back home didn't feel like home. I miss(ed) everything there: the air, the tram, the people, the food, and the fact that I could simply walk anywhere without having to fear of thugs and shit. I almost cried when the plane took off from Tullamarine, and my heart was slightly broken as I breathed the air of my own hometown. Oh well, I guess I have to agree with Ibn Battutta:
"Traveling: it gives you home in thousand strange places, then leaves you a stranger in your own land."
I'll go back there as soon as possible, amiin.
Till next time, Blogger! I promise we'll see each other again very soon. ;)
Selasa, 14 Agustus 2012
di ultah yang kedua puluh ini, gue melakukan sesuatu yang agak beda (sedikit banyak terinspirasi dari Ridu). Gue matiin notif birthday di Facebook. Yep. Bukannya sok seleb atau apa, tapi entah kenapa gue lagi pengen 'nyepi'. Gak lagi pengen gembar-gembor ke dunia maya kalo'hei, hari ini gue ultah lho. Ucapin dong!'
I did that simply because I want my birthday belongs to me. ;)
Tapi ternyata masih banyak yang ingat walaupun gue gak heboh di facebook/twitter/bbm. MAKASIH LHO SEMUA YANG NGUCAPIIIN~~~ seneng ya kalo ada orang yang ingat ultah gue bukan karena notif facebook, tapi karena emang mereka mikirin gue #tsaaah #disambit. Dan berhubung gue udah kepala dua, maka ucapan yang masuk rata-rata memuat kata 'jodoh' dan 'cepat lulus'. Bikin ngakak nangis sambil mengamini dalam hati :))
Berhubung gue pengen nyepi di hari ultah gue, jadilah hari itu gue lewatkan seperti hari-hari liburan sebelumnya: tidur-tiduran di kamar, baca-baca. Diem-diem ajalah pokoknya... sampai
Being 20 freaks me out in a way - because I see people my age have already started their career, achieve great things and doing good deeds WAAAY better than I ever did. And I see an uncertain future ahead of me - a future I can only fill with my efforts because without them, there would be no future for me. My responsibilities appear even clearer than before - closer, clearer, and haunting. And motivating, somehow.
All in all, my birthday has been nice, in a decent way.
I'd like to thank God for giving me a good, 20 years of life so far added with amazing family and superb friends.
Oya, ada satu ucapan
Nice one. I look forward to a different country next year, then. Let's see what country you'd come up with ;)
Sabtu, 04 Agustus 2012
as you can see from the picture above, I pretty much decided to learn it by myself since I'm not sure I'll have the time for courses. I bought Barron's Japanese Grammar 3rd edition and dictionaries. The rest of my materials (not shown here) were given by Essy, a friend who took Japanese during our 2nd semester of college. I also printed some of my favorite lyrics with its original Kanji writings and romaji to practice my writing skill.
Learning a language has always been fun for me since I was a kid, because my parents showered me with English books and movies and it proves to be the most effective way to learn a language. Since then, everytime I learn a new language, I take the 'entertainment' route instead of the boring course route. I believe that humans learn easier by doing the things they love. I love watching movies, listening to great songs and reading, so I think: why not watching Japanese movies or reading Japanese books or listening to great Japanese songs?
When you want to learn a new language, try to blend the language in the things you love and the things you do on a daily basis. Sometimes I mumble in Japanese or sounding the sentences I've learned. You'll be surprised by how much you enjoy learning it. And the best part is, you can set your own progress~
Senin, 23 Juli 2012
Kamis, 19 Juli 2012
But anyways, tadi sempat baca-baca sebentar isi blog gue selama ini, dan terakhir posting soal hidup sehari-hari itu kayaknya pas gue semester 3. Sekarang udah kelar semester 4 dan beranjak semester 5 aja, gilaaa hidup itu kadang cepat banget larinya. Jejaknya aja kadang suka gak keliatan #eh.
So yeah. Semester 4 sudah berlalu. Gue makin tegang karena sisa 3 semester lagi, dan konon 3 semester terakhir adalah rangkaian semester paling menguji nyali selama proses mencari sesuap gelar S1. Mulai meninjau-ninjau lagi rencana masa depan gue, segitupun kayaknya merasa suram padahal I've already planned out my life since I was in middle school. Iya, gue memang terkadang seperti Bella Swan: terlihat dan berlaku lebih tua daripada usia sebenarnya #pret.
Lucunya, gue cukup menikmati ketegangan ini. Kombinasi perasaan tegang dan semangat untuk 'membangun jalan' menuju masa depan yang cerah *insert opening song anime here*. Perasaan 'gue harus lanjut S2 nih, tapi bingung mau cultural studies, HI lagi, apa jurnalistik ya?' dan 'anjrit, S1 aja gue gatau kapan kelar, apalagi S2 nih...' kombinasi perasaan-perasaan itu, call me a masochist, membuat gue jadi lebih terpacu untuk membuktikan diri kalo gue bisa. Gue termasuk tipe orang yang bahkan suka menyangsikan kemampuan diri sendiri, and I tend to break before I tried. Gue pikir, okelah selama ini gue kayak gitu, tapi sekarang gue udah mau 20 masa mau gitu terus yegak~~
Jadi, melewatkan seharian dengan riset jurusan dan universitas yang gue pengen ambil untuk S2 itu secara unik menjadi salah satu terapi kemalasan gue. Gue pengen cepet lulus, pengen sekolah lagi, pengen bisa ngebanggain keluarga. Dan untuk mencapai itu, gue gak bisa usaha dengan level seikhlasnya. Perlu banyak kerja keras, doa, dan dukungan. #eaaa
Dan yang tidak disangka-sangka, gue apply Beswan Djarum. Padahal awalnya gak berencana sama sekali, tapi tiba-tiba di sebuah siang yang panas pas nemenin Essy ke DPM, formulir pendaftaran Beswan disodorkan ke gue dan gue berpikir: why not taking the chance? I've got nothing to lose anyway. Kalo dapet ya syukur deh per bulan dapet 700 ribu buat sedekah di Kinokuniya, kalo gak dapet yaaa bukan rejeki gue. :))
Sebenarnya, tanggal submitting aplikasi-nya udah lewat jauh tapi ternyata masih boleh submit. Doakan ya. :))
On a lighter note, selain cari-cari dan bermimpi macam-macam untuk masa depan gue, liburan ini pun gue kembali menghidupkan kecintaan gue terhadap Jepang (terutama aktor-aktor gantengnya). Gue dengan kerendahan hati menggolongkan diri gue sebagai mantan otaku. Pas SMP dulu gila banget dengan hal-hal yang berbau Jepang terutama manga, tapi semakin tua gue semakin keluar jalur ke-otaku-an. Dan
Pas awal liburan dulu, gue sibuk banget bikin list hal-hal yang harus, kudu, mesti, wajib dilakukan selama liburan 3 bulan ini. Balas dendam terhadap 1 semester yang udah menggilas jiwa raga gue habis-habisan. Dari mulai rutin pengen berenang sampe pengen les bahasa Jepang di Japan Foundation. Tapi ternyata, gak ada satupun yang terwujud. Sebagai penggila list, harusnya gue kecewa. Kegiatan-kegiatan yang mau gue lakukan selama liburan ini udah gue rancang sedemikian rupa, bermanfaat bagi kemaslahatan gue pribadi *digaplok* dan ternyata sampe detik inipun belum ada yang gue penuhin. Tapi kemudian gue berpikir lagi: doing nothing is the point of a vacation.
You've worked your ass off, dan selama lo kerja/kuliah lo selalu mengidam-idamkan waktu dimana lo gak perlu melakukan apa-apa, dan ketika lo dapet waktu itu lo malah pengen macem-macem? :))
Dan di penghujung waktu sebelum gue tambah tua setahun, I took a step back out of everything and looked back on my life and I'm grateful that I did a pretty damn good job. Masih banyak kesalahan sana-sini, masih banyak kecerobohan dan keputusan-keputusan yang salah, tapi gue bersyukur gue sampai disini, di titik ini, bersama orang-orang ini. Bersyukur banget.
I hope everyone's enjoying their life right now. :)
Selasa, 10 Juli 2012
Jujur nomor 1, sebenernya gak pernah ada niat buat nulis ini, karena menurut gue selera buku gue cupu dan terlalu aneh (sukses dibuktikan dengan kernyitan dahi teman2 yang berlipat banyak tiap gue bawa buku ke kampus), tapi berhubung 'ditodong' sama Mas Arya (@kelakuan)... Here goes. :D
Jujur nomor 2, menurut gue buku apa aja enak dibaca sih selama di perjalanan. HAHA. Berhubung gue tipe pecinta buku, I don't mind reading any book with any theme during a roadtrip. Tapi di postingan ini, gue bakal nyoba mengerucutkan rekomendasi gue deh.
#1 Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger
Siapa sih yang gak tau buku ini? Awalnya gue pikir buku ini terlalu over-rated, tapi setelah baca, gue ngerti kenapa buku ini gak pernah ketinggalan jaman.
#2 Norwegian Wood – Haruki Murakami
Jujur nomor 3: sebenernya buku ini terlalu gloomy dan stressful. Tapi justru karena nuansanya yang gloomy dan terkesan 'empty' ini makanya buku ini cocok jadi teman seperjalanan, terutama perjalanan yang memang bertujuan untuk 'menyepi' sejenak dari hiruk-pikuk perkotaan. #halah
A solitary trip with this book would be wonderful. Narasinya yang deskriptif (as expected from a words-maestro like Murakami) bisa membuat pembaca benar-benar merasakan seperti apa Tokyo circa 1969 – gimana sifat para tokohnya, dan terutama pikiran-pikiran Toru yang sering bikin terhenyak. Lebih cocok lagi kalo baca buku ini sambil ditemani Norwegian Wood-nya The Beatles!
#3 Wreck This Journal - Keri Smith
Harusnya buku ini gak masuk rekomendasi sih yaaa karena secara teknis kita akan lebih banyak 'mengisi' buku ini ketimbang membaca isinya. But anyways, buku ini sangat layak untuk dijadikan teman selama perjalanan. Setiap halaman menantang untuk sebuah kejutan, dan pada akhirnya lo akan diajak kembali jujur dan ekspresif terhadap diri lo sendiri. Beberapa halaman bakal bikin lo mengernyit jijik, atau membolak-balik buku itu dengan brutal, atau malah merobek halamannya, tp semakin banyak halaman yang lo 'lewati', semakin besar sense of accomplishment yang bakal lo rasain.
'Mengisi' buku ini bisa jadi terapi, dan perlu gue bilang bahwa: wrecking a (n) imported, expensive book has never felt so good. :)
#4 Paper Towns - John Green
P.S.: berlawanan dengan judul bukunya, gue sengaja membaca buku ini siang-siang pas lewat Pekalongan dan ternyata efek ceritanya lebih hebat ketimbang kalo baca malem-malem.
Sabtu, 07 April 2012
So, what's new?
I'd say "nothing", but then again what happened lately deserve more than "nothing", so here goes my random rant.
4th semester. HELL. Hahaha. Well, it really feels like it. Funny how every semester I always think that "OH SERIOUSLY THINGS COULDN'T GET ANY WORSER THAN THIS" but apparently, every semester I'm proven wrong. Things could go worse than the previous semester. More paperworks, more meetings, more seminars, and less sleeping. Oh and also, more sickness. Cool.
But anyways, despite all those uncool shit, being surrounded by my dysfunctional friends I have since Day 1 helps a lot. *hugs*
Ok, move on to the biggest events of this semester: lost my phone and got the 2nd strike of liver disease. Yep.
and also PSNMHII is getting closer, so...
the thing I hate about myself is my tendency to get unnecessarily stressed out while working on a job, especially when the deadline's getting closer. I'd be having this unnecessary stomachache and fever and other crap. I'd be this bitter, sarcastic young girl who locks herself up in her room, wondering why she agreed to take that job on the first place and regret the whole thing. But once I really put my mind and ass into the tasks, I'd be immediately absorbed and all the regrets are gone. So. Deep inside I know I'm a workaholic, but admitting that I am would... I don't know, I just don't like being a workaholic. Haha.
So to my work partners, who won't be reading this crap anyway, I thank you for sticking with me and keeping that smile on your face while working with me eventhough deep inside you really want to punch me in the face for the constant laziness and whining. I appreciate your politeness of not actually punching me in the face and thank you for still wanting me to work with you guys. All those whines and fuss, please don't take them seriously.
...AND MAY THE ODDS WILL EVER BE IN OUR FAVOR. (did I do this right?)
OH AND I do love this particular lecturer and his class. Getting a good, qualified (although a bit mad) professor makes me feel like 8,3 million/semester isn't THAT useless. Hehe.
The funny thing is, the higher my semester number gets, the more I'd screw up. One moment I remember was when me, Indri, Ilona and Thio played ABC 5 Dasar during Teori Perbandingan Politik Luar Negeri RI and we didn't give a shit about the things Mas Dodi said in front of the class. Because seriously, that class is getting more and more surreal each week. I didn't even know why the hell Mas Dodi gave me a 71 on my midterm since I don't even understand any word I wrote on the answer sheet. Sheer luck, perhaps?
aaaand I'm crushing on a new guy. He brings back my giddy, 17 year old self and I love feeling that young again so thank you, new guy, I really don't mind. Keep thrilling me, will ya?
...but sadly, the old one still lingers. You know, I wish Combantrin or Kalpanax would work on him. To me, he's not only my comfort but also an annoying parasite and I'd be really happy to get rid of him. Ha.
Well, this has been awkward. Write to you later. :)
Sabtu, 03 Desember 2011
Minggu, 20 November 2011
Jumat, 28 Oktober 2011
Jumat, 21 Oktober 2011
Rabu, 05 Oktober 2011
"I'm sorry for being the worst bestfriend ya... I really am."
Those are the words I texted him a few minutes ago.
Yeah, I finally got to talk to him about this whole “me-loving-him-and-he's-not-but-hey-we're-cool-because-we're-bestfriends” crap...
and I gotta say that went perfectly well as I thought it would: me struggling to explain my damn complicated feelings to the oblivious him.
...okay, maybe he’s not so oblivious. But I was struggling back then, so yeah...
I told him I don’t blame him for anything. This isn’t anybody’s fault. If there’s anyone to blame, that would be myself and no one else.
I didn’t tell him that because I don’t want him to be angry, nor because I tried to sugar-coated my words, but I finally realized that: hey, it’s true.
It’s not his fault that I love him and he doesn’t love me in return.
It’s not his fault that I spent many nights crying over this damn hanging relationship we’ve buried ourselves in.
It’s not his fault. It’s not.
I used to blame him for everything.
...because really, how can I blame him when the only one who falls is me?
Him: I already gave you my answer, right?
Me: This isn’t a question. This is a statement.
Him: ok. So what should I do? You want to stop being friends?
Me: No. But I need time. I need time to neutralize everything.
So that’s pretty much everything. I told him that I have to retreat for a while because I really don’t want to see myself getting mad at him. I never want to treat him wrong.
I should’ve known that when you committ yourself in a friendship with the opposite sex, you gotta leave all the love stuff behind... because in some cases, love works. But most of the time, love and friendship is a bad combo.
...I didn’t. That’s why I’m a bad bestfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
P.S.: Honestly, 10, I don’t want to stop being friends with you. I just want to stop loving you, that’s all.